“I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago. I’m outta here in a few months, so screw it. But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don’t pinch yourself John, you are awake!”
- Will Ferrell (as President Bush)
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“The Pentagon is buying a portrait of Donald Rumsfeld for forty six thousand dollars. Forty six thousand dollars! It’ll probably cost 10 times that, serve no real purpose, and never be finished. Remind you of anything?”
- Craig Ferguson
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“Josh Brolin, who plays President Bush in the new movie ‘W,’ says at first, he wasn’t sure he should take the role, because it would be such an acting challenge. That’s what he said. Brolin says he prepared for the role by getting up every day, running five miles, and then bashing himself in the head with a hammer.”
- Conan O’Brien
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“The only reason Obama got this endorsement is because Colin Powell is black. Also, the only reason Admiral John Nathman, Brigadier General James Smith, Four-star General Merrill McPeak and 20 other military leaders have endorsed Obama is because Colin Powell is black.”
- Stephen Colbert
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“Former Vice President Dan Quayle has advised vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin to ‘Just be yourself.’ Unfortunately, he spelled ‘yourself’ with three i’s and a 6.”
- Amy Poehler
